Desperately Trying

“This is the longest relationship I’ve had and I’m desperately trying to make this work.”

I can’t get Joe’s words out of my mind. Because they hurt me, and they cast doubt in our relationship in my heart.

“I’m afraid of the things I’ll discover in therapy. What if I discover something about us that you will not like?”

Like you really don’t love me? Like you’re only in this relationship because you got carried away by my enthusiasm and later on learned your heart’s not really in it and you want out, but you don’t want to hurt me? Like you’re only staying because you think it is the right decision, even if you don’t feel like it really is for you at this moment in time? Like you love me but not enough to choose me?

“If you do discover something that you’re worried I might not want to hear or will hurt me, all the more you should say it to me. Great relationships are measured by the willingness and courage of both partners to have difficult, painful conversations, so we shall have that conversation, whatever you discover. I’d rather you be honest to me and with yourself.”

I am afraid that our relationship is crumbling, and we are in the end days. I’m so sad and insecure right now.

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